I was reading a bit about empathy today and people who rob us of our energy and wanted to post a couple links for others who may find themselves wondering if empathy is a gift or a curse;

http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits.htm[/URL]

http://healing.about.com/od/empathic/Empath_Suffering.htm[/URL]

I hope our guests and memebrs will find this helpful, and I would love to hear others views on the topic of empathy in general. How can we take care of senitive selves?? What it is like for you being empathic??? When did you first realize you were an empath???


to all my relations,
Ravenheart

Great topic, Ravenheart! Interesting links. I do consider myself an empath. Oddly enough, my husband and I were talking about some of this just a few days ago.

One of the biggest challenges I have faced is blocking things out and I've never been very good at it. I can't stand going into hospitals. I have to do it on occasion with ill family members, but I always feel like I'm on "information overload". It is just really an unpleasant experience for me. Large, crowded facilities, like malls or big, crowded restaurants are like that too; but where there is pain and suffering, like in a hospital, it is a little too much for me. Taking Brianna to the hematology/cancer treatment center in Houston, I have felt a physical sense of shock each time I go into it and I leave the place almost ill myself. We try to make the visits as pleasant for everyone as possible; eating at a favorite restaurant, a little shopping or a visit to the museum afterward, and that has helped a lot.

Back when I taught, it was a similar experience. To be honest, I was a good teacher, a very effective one; but I didn't get the enjoyment out of it that most people in the profession do (at least the good ones). I realize a lot of that was because I would become so caught up in some of the issues these kids were facing (I taught in districts were a good number of kids came from disadvantaged and/or disfunctional households). I came away from my job emotionally and physically drained. It absolutely overwhelmed me. Now, I take care of my own kid, I do my art, and my day to day life is much happier.

Watching the news is sometimes a real emotional chore. Watching September 11th, the reports of the tsunami, Katrina, missing children cases and I often end up in tears with these wild emotions I know are not coming from my own experience. Sometimes I just have to step back. I also cannot watch overly intense or violent movies or televisions shows (which disappoints my husband, who would love for me to watch Battlestar Galactica with him.)

There are certain people that I just avoid. The ones who I feel are in some way negative energies, I stay away from and boy, oh boy, that isn't always easy, especially when they are friends or family of my husband. I don't mind him seeing them, that's his business. I just don't want to hang out with them. I don't think he's ever had to use the line, "My wife doesn't like you because you are a psychic vampire", but maybe he should.

As for when I discovered I was an empath -- I can't remember not being. I had never heard the term used until a few years ago. In one of the links you posted, it said that the ability was inherited, which I believe from my own family. I grew up around it, so really, it wasn't until I started to school that I realized I was "wired up" a little differently than most people.

Now, I have a question for other empaths...Do you find that people have rather strong reactions toward you? Almost as if they decide immediately whether they really, really like you, or really, really don't?

This goes back to the conversation I had with my husband, which we've had many times before. Both of us have found that people have very strong emotions toward me. They either adore me or despise me and very little in between. I tend to be a very plain spoken person and a little "matter -of-fact" in face to face conversations. By this, I don't mean that I speak harshly to people -- far from it. I can read between the lines of what other's say, but I don't want anyone to have to do the same with me. In other words, what you see is what you get. When I sense a negative individual, my guard automatically goes up and I stay away from them and seldom am I wrong on their character. I'm interested if other empaths tend to draw these reactions out of people.

Emotionally, I learned how to block things out at a young age, which is not a good thing, if you can't control it and you are still in your 30's...LOL!!! Seriously though, I was like you, It has taken a while to realize that I am wired differently too. I finally trained myself for protection by learning to use the mental phrase "Shields Up" coupled with a white light visualization, when I am approached by, or am approaching others. It took much longer for me to learn to cope with emotions, but that is another story, (or is it?).

I have had so many different "issues" to deal with that, it has taken me most of my life to begin to seperate one from the other; (ya know, which is a cause and which is an effect etc.). I too, have an aversion to large crowds and you described my experience exactly...it really can be overwhelming and like you said, hospitals are just too much. I can hardly enjoy eating out at a resturant because of it.

Do you often sense who to trust and who not to trust, right off the bat??? It seems that others pick up on our intuition and our ability to see through them on a deeper level and then they make up their minds that we are a threat. I suppose this is mostly an unconscious thing, (but cetainly not always)! Anyway, the reactions people have to you sound just like my own experiences and it is good to finally understand that there are others like me.

I can watch only a few moments of the news at any one time, as matter of fact, I was at the cinema with some friends one time, and they were running the previews before the main feature. Suddenly, I realized that I hadn't caught sight or sound of what had just been on the screen for the last few minutes and I turned and asked my friend if they had shown something graphic. The answer was that the preview had alluded to a rape scene and my mind just totally and automatically shut it out. I suppose it is a nice coping mechanism once we gain a bit of control over it, but automatically shutting down is just as bad as when *we (*empaths) are so very open all of the time. The former leaves us "dead" and "empty" inside, while the latter leaves us vulnerable to energy attacks and getting just plain 'ol worn down.

Something I do that helps me, is to bath in sea salt, while burning either sandlewood incense or a combo of vanilla and rose. I imigine all the negativity draining out of my body into the water and let it go down the drain. Afterwards, I will smudge with sage and/or cedar. I have also found any bath product containing true pine extract or essentail oil, to be very soothing and studies have shown that it has an aura very much like the human aura. I also wear or carry crystals quite often.

I have also found that missing a single dose of my antidepressant medication can throw me off kilter to the point where it takes longer to recover from the effects of negative chaotic energies.

Still, although it can seem like a curse at times, I do not think I would want to be any other way as it is the way I always remember being. Besides, we empaths often find we have healing gifts as well, if we will just believe in them.

Finally, Thanks for sharing about your experiences with me.

healing hugs,
Ravenheart

I agree, Ravenheart, I wouldn't want to be any other way, either. This is what I know, and really, I'm pretty comfortable with it.

You are right, I often instinctively know who to trust and who not to, and that may indeed send up an unconscious signal to them, causing a negative reaction.

Interesting point about the movie. My husband and I went to see "Cold Mountain" a few years ago. As Civil War buffs, we were both looking forward to it. At several points in the movie, I almost had to leave the theater. The only way I could stay for some of the scenes was to look down at the floor and try to think of something else.

This thread has been of interest of me, because it has really caused me to think of one of my husband's friends. This is an exceptionally "straight laced" fellow, one who never deviates from his path. For lack of a better word, this gentleman has what I would call a "militaristic" approach to life. Everything has to have a place; everything is all black and white, shades of gray just blow his mind, he's highly disciplined, etc...He's married to someone who is completely opposite from him, and he definitely takes a back seat in the relationship and with his family. (Believe me, this gal could write the book on being a psychic vampire. Bad vibes, brrrrrr.)

Now, none of that sounds very empathic, but I've recognized some things this fellow does. He no longer can watch any television other than his kid's cartoons because he says it upsets his blood pressure (I think it might be upsetting him in general). He also illicits these strong reactions in people. People he meets either really like him or they can't stand him. He also spends a lot of time outdoors (which was mentioned in one of the links you posted).

He's a nice guy. I have a feeling he may be an empath and not realize it. Some people upon meeting him might take it at face value that he is a "harsh" individual. In truth, I believe he is anything but. I think he's put up a smoke screen in order to protect himself emotionally. There may be some other explanations for his behavior/personality type, I don't know. I've also found it interesting, and rather sad, that he is having some pretty significant health problems and I can't help but think the day to day stress he probably faces is a contributing factor.

It makes me wonder how many more people go through their lives like my husband's friend. For whatever reason, they don't really recognize what they are and so they build these walls around them to protect themselves and essentially try to "kill off" that part of their being. I think empathic ability is something you either embrace and work with, or allow to destroy you. I choose the first option.

This is very interesting to me, I have always called it the gift of distinction. (I think that's how you spell it.) When I read the link about empathic it was me to a tee. It's like I can read people like a book. In a way it's not like reading minds or anything, it's just waves of feelings that I get about people. Do you think there is a difference between distinction and empathic? My husband and I both have this gift, we talk about it often. I see it in my daughter already and she's only 3 almost 4. She just know about people, like if they are sick or unhappy what ever the case is it's pretty amazing. But what's funny is I think of her as empathic and I as distinction. I have used the word empathic to discribe her before.

a most interesting conversation,one of which I all most passed by. after reading this I became a ware this not a learned process.but some thing more.of which I can assure' you that stood well for me in 30 years of working, in the not so nice part's of the city.

I do not know if there is any real difference between being an empath and having a hightened ability of distinction, but I can also discern eyelight and I have always thought of it as being an ability that is apart from empathy. Now, I am not so sure. I was traumatized early in life and I cannot help but wonder if these things are "off-shoots" of needing to survive that trauma. But either way I look at it, I still see these things as gifts to be treasured. The only drawback is that you have to take the bad with the good. I think the good outweighs the downside of being an empath, so this may explain why I view it as a gift.

Ravenheart

PS: It would be interesting if someone did further research into a possible connection between trauma and empathy. Another thing I wanted to add is that, my therapist does not have the same view of empathy, he thinks it is just "putting yourself in anothers shoes" and that it is a learned behavior. Of course, I do not agree!

I agree with you Ravenheart, I believe it's a gift that not everyone has. It does have it's down falls. I tend to attract crazy friends, it's like these people are sucked to me like a magnet. Because I always want to see the good in people, and I can't stand any conflict or to make people unhappy.

I tend to want to help these kinds of people by being a friend, when I should just listen to my first instint. So now I kind of put up these walls, I don't have many good friends because of this. I guess I can no longer let myself be sucked in. Kind of like the psychic vampire thing, they all seem to gravitate torward me.

It's kind of become a joke between my husband and I. Why do all these crazy people want to be friends with me. Why am I the one that has to deal with them. But like we were talking the other day, most likely your first instint of a person is how the relationship plays out. No matter how much you want to help that person it always ends up bitting you back.

very good.I have heard both sides of the story, from the doctors. of course. I was a traumatised youth. that's why' I became a doctor. they fail to mention the fact they carried as many issues as the rest of us.then we have the perfect family doctor. never had to want. never did with out. shana & ravenhart I'am on your side.

I know what you mean about the "crazy" people being attracted to us. I think that they either sense that we are "Safe People" or that they mistake our easy-going, good-hearted, natures for weakness.

Mostly, I think they see us as "easy prey" because we don't want to hurt other people and because we do avoid conflict. But I have adopted a new way of dealing with it because of some things that my mentor said to me. He said, first, you have to decide in a conflict if you want to get along or if you want to be right. Secondly, he told me, "Stop trying to be so d*mn nice and just ask for what you want and stand up for what you don't want." Not bad advice, but I have found it is often "easier said than done." It isn't easy to change something that appears to be a part of one's nature!

I want to take a second here to apologize; If my being so open about my childhood trauma is causing any discomfort to anyone then, I whole-heartedly apologize!!! It is not my intention to seek sympathy, or to air my personal issues on this board, but if it seems to me to be a relevant issue to the conversation,
then, I am not ashamed of having once been a victim. I did nothing wrong! However, if it causes anyone grief, I can leave the trauma out of the conversation. See? I am easy going..LOL

Because this may be a topic for a completely different thread, I would like to steer the conversation back to empathy.

So, what do you like about being an empath?

Ravenheart

[ January 12, 2007, 03:52 PM: Message edited by: Ravenheart ]

I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about your past Ravenheart. Sometimes it helps talking about it. and it's always good to see what you have learned from your trauma's, blessings or just life in general.

What I like about being empath, The more I grow and change I can count on that. I am learning to put up wall but that's not a bad thing. I trust it more and more every day my gut.

I can also help people understand others. For example, my mom has a mooching sister that is living with her now. My aunt this lady, has a hard time taking care of herself. She likes to live off of other people. My mom is a very seriours type of person, she has a hard time understanding people sometimes. Because of this they butt heads and I have to help my mom deal with her. I always seem to know when my aunt is trying to play games or not be truthful. So I think I help my mom with that. Really it seems I'm always helping my mom to understand people and their motives.

I can relate to all this - I think that is why I became a psychologist!

but i cannot watch the news at all - it kills me to hear all those stories and yes I get very strong reactions from people - they love me or hate me, which has been hard to deal with. A lot of people are scared of my traits and others just love it - that I am so plain spoken I cut through all the bull****.
Its a hard way to be though, I go crazy when negative energy is every where I can't stand it I can feel it all and I suffer so much with who else is suffering.

Sorry for not responding to this earlier. Sometimes I just can't share.

Sometimes I think it's a blessing of a curse. Other times I think it's a curse of a blessing. =)

Silliness aside. I believe it's just like anything. It has it's good points and bad points. It's an ability you have to learn to control.
The better you control it the better it can serve you. And depending on your desires it can be a great way to share with other people.

I don't think that past traumas give you this ability. I think it's one of the benefits of being traumtized. The old good with the bad thing.
I don't mind you talking about your traumas. I don't think you're looking for sympathy either. Frankly, it's a part of you. And you need to share yourself with others. I've shared mine. I find that sometimes I'm looking for some sympathy subconsciously but I try to stay aware of that and correct my behavior. I tried to avoid manipulating people.

I personally know that empathy is not just putting yourself in another persons shoes. It may seem that way to other people. But in my experience it's not. It's so much more. Like the difference between thinking of love and being in love.

As for the crazies, there alot that is involved in this. And of course I don't mean "crazies" but anyone who is drawn towards empathic people. Even if just subconsciously we recognize what we need when we meet other people. Many varied reasons. Sometimes it's just recognizing someone who will just listen to us.

WOW, I am so sorry that I missed your last reply when it was first posted. I like the way you are better able to articulate these feelings and meanings than I am. It really helps me to put words to things that I couldn't before.

I am thankful for the support and understanding about my past. That is a really cool thing to do!

I think as empaths that, when we begin to recognize the fact that we cannot and do not have to carry the world/s suffering on our shoulders,
we start to percieve a more proper and beneficial use of our empathy. At least it has seeemed that way to me. Learning to trust my intuition has helped me a great deal to raise and lower my "Shields", as well.

A woman by the name of Silver Ravenwolf said something along these lines; "If you have light in your life know that it will attract more light, but it will also attract the dark..don't be surprised, be prepared!"

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me/us.
many blessings,
Ravenheart

I have known that I was a little different all my life, and I think this thread has finally helped me see what it is. I am an empath! Things I have been reading on that link you gave us, Ravenheart, and everything that has been said by others in this thread have hit me right between the eyes. This describes so many things for me, and I am not at all uncomfortable about being an empath, even though it does have it's plusses and minusses.

I have know for quite some time that I am sometimes a "magnet" for psychic vampires, and I have dealt with some "doozies"! It would take volumes to tell you about them... a couple of them were women I met on the internet several years apart, and I made the mistake of giving both of them my phone number. YIKES!!!! Every time they called (one in Nevada, and one in Florida), I would get a big rock in my gut, and by them time the call ended, I was drained!! Both of them tried to give me a guilt trip about my not doing the calling them at least "half the time", so that I would share the bill with them. I could not bring myself to call them, because it was like giving myself the equivalent of the 24-hour flu. It took time to recover from talking to them. Both were whiney members of what I call the "poor things club", and their negativity was simply overwhelming!

One kept herself high on painkillers (or whatever else) and I think she must have been "Dr. shopping". She claimed to have Fibromyalgia (which I have), but I simply couldn't help her. Everything I told her to try to make her feel better was met with opposition, and she made me feel crazy for even trying. All she ever did was complain about everything, and expected me to give her the answers to her dilemmas. I had no answers to most of them.

The other person was what seemed to be a hopeless alcoholic... and I tried everything I knew to get her to seek some real help. She also had a seizure disorder, and wasn't taking her meds. But, I think she used marijuana pretty regularly, too... not sure. I was "there for her" during her divorce, and since she lived alone, she was on thin ice. Several times she told me of waking up on the floor someplace, with bruises and her dog clawing at her arms and licking her face. Then she got into an affair with a married man, and when he dumped her, she was planning to do damage to his car while he was at work. (They worked at the same restaurant in the kitchen.) I wanted no part of that little planning scheme. Eventually, she sent an e-mail with a terse "goodbye", and I haven't heard from her since. What a relief this was!!!

I also have some very deep empathic feelings for both people and animals. The latest ASPCA commercial on Animal Planet beings me to tears time after time, with pictures of injured and maimed dogs and cats, and the Sarah McLachlan song called "Angel". All I need is to hear this song... which is also tied in with my memories of 9-11, and the animal pictures on top of it are really hard to bear. We were watching 9-11 live as it happened, and I was in tears, but couldn't pull myself away. Later, after the first anniversary of 9-11, Kell made a 9-11 tribute in Flash wih pictures in early 2003, using this music for our site... someone visits it daily, to this day. And so we have left it up.

If anyone wants to see it, here it is:
9-11 Tribute by KellKell[/URL]
I'll warn you that it is a powerful presentation of memories of 9-11, and if some of you would rather not view it, we would totally understand.

Another thing that sets me off empathically are second hand stores and some antique/vintage shops. If feels like I am being pummelled, almost physically, with the psychic emotion stored in these items. I cannot wait to leave. Some shops are worse for me than others. One had a lot of estate sale clothing, shoes and jewelry that was from early to mid 1900's. This place really left me drained. A particular pair of shoes is engrained in my memory, and I don't know why. They were pearl colored leather pumps, yellowed with age, with a dim rhinestone buckle on the toes. I wish I knew more about them, but maybe it is just as well that I don't! I had to leave this store rather hurriedly. Maybe it was the fact that the racks were packed together so tightly, the clothing area had shoulder-width aisles, all full of old, used clothing. It gives me chills as I type this, and it has been years since I went there. [shivers]

I don't mind at all that you folks share your feelings and your experiences with us here. I think it helps us all to find that we are more similar than we are different, in the empathy arena, and in dealing with problems we have faced throughout our lives. The opening up is cathartic, and I think it is good for a person to be able to talk about what is on their mind. Bottling up emotions is so very hard on us, both emotionally and physically. I think we have quite a number of kindred spirits here!

Hugs and blessings to all,

Mare

[ May 25, 2007, 07:06 PM: Message edited by: azspirit ]

Isn't it nice to have a name to put to those feelings and know that others experience the same or similar things?

I am the same way about second-hand stores and antiques too. I once happened upon a pair of black shoes that once belonged to a little girl and that is as far as I am going with that story...suffice it to say that I walked out of the store very disturbed and distraught from the memories and emotions that were "attached" to them.

Depressed people and practicing alcoholics are very difficult to help, even when they seem to want your assistance. They complain and complain because they are truly miserable, but are sometimes so stuck in thier misery that they cannot see how they are adding to it and serving to keep themselves stuck in their misery. They often do not know how to ask for help.

Practicing alcoholics often suffer from depression as well as alcoholism and they usually don't understand that the chemical action of alcohol on the brain lasts for more than a day and it influences the way they/we think in a powerful and negative way.

Then of course, there are those that just like to complain and those who want you to do their hard work of recovery for them. It is intensely draining, as you said. I have been guilty of it at times, by asking more from people than what they are able to give. I learned a very good lesson from that as well as how to detach myself lovingly from their problems and sometimes from my own.

In the end though, it is nice to be aware of the psychic and emotional currents around oneself and in the world. it is still very much like walking through a land mine at first though, (if you'll pardon the pun).
hugs,
Ravenheart

Ravenheart, I agree... it was a load lifted to finally be able to put a name on those strong feelings I get about certain objects or situations. I had given it a fleeting thought several times before that I might be an empath. Now, thinks to this thread, I am seeing myself in a different light, and I think this will help me to build my defenses for the future.

I will say that there is no one currently posting on this board that I would want to block in any way at this time, simply because there those who are who are just as willing to give back a part of their strength to help me, just as I may have given some of my strength to help them. When it is so reciprocal, I wouldn't dream of blocking any empathic feeling I have about our current circle here at SpiritKeep. So, please, don't anyone get the idea that I am going to try to find ways to block any one of "you", because there is no one here who is draining me without refilling me in return with faith and hope for the future.
I really mean this. No one here is a burden to me, not psychically or physically. This sharing has been enlightening for me, and I am learning more about myself because of this thread.

Many hugs to all!

Blessings,

Mare

Personally.....speaking for myself.... it is both a curse, and a gift. If I had been given a choice (by the powers thats be) I would never have known about all the gifts I'd receive from such an "undesireable choice". Further, I would never have known the burdens such a curse would would hold me responsible for. Guess I got what was a perfect fit...so to speak.

For me, it is a blessing, because I have been able to help those that needed it and it has been a curse because it has earned me a Stalker and Severe Isolation.
I have to stay at home because the energies of others sometimes is too much for me to bear, especially in public.

I can't imagine giving up my freedom to live as I choose, need, and want because this ability imprisoned my will. Ask for your freedom...demand your freedom....separate your internal feelings from those that which are not yours. Although felt....these feelings are not ours to own....we empathize...understand...know. Always keep supportive and loving people in your inner circle and use their energy to refuel, rejuvinate and sustain a healthy balance. Your gift, I belive, if you're similar to myself was given to you because you have the strength to use it wisely and safely.